Dance With the Dead by H.P. Mallory

Chapter Five

Aftermath

“What do you think?” asked Leo, as we hopped the fence and headed back the way we’d come.

“I think I could use some lunch.”

He looked at me and laughed. “That wasn’t what I meant.”

“No.” I paused. What the hell; life was short and if you didn’t ask, you didn’t get. “Do you want to come back to my house for lunch? I’ve got… food. Of some sort. Probably enough for two. And Keith from next door gave me some bottles of cider as a housewarming present... so, there’s that.”

Leo performed his usual trick of pausing and then looking away. He seemed to be looking away for longer than usual on this occasion, but still came back with a smile.

“That sounds nice.”

“Good.”

“‘Nice’ isn’t exactly that encouraging though, is it?” Petra asked as she appeared beside me. Even though I didn’t respond (because Leo was right there)—I was thinking along the same lines. ‘Nice’ wasn’t very encouraging, and I had to wonder if he would have preferred that I hadn’t asked. Maybe I’d misread him and he actually wasn’t interested in me, but was just being friendly. Maybe just being neighborly?

“What about Victoria? Any thoughts?” Leo’s voice sounded as if he had some of his own thoughts, but wanted to hear mine first.

“I think that anyone who can go twenty years without revealing anything about her past, even in passing, has a reason for not wanting to talk about it.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” nodded Leo. “And similar on the subject of the boyfriend.”

“Yeah.” Whether it was a boyfriend or a late night visitor of some other description, whoever the man was—it seemed Victoria had kept him deliberately secret and there had to be a reason for that. From what I knew, usually people who were in relationships wanted other people to know they were in relationships. Unless they had a reason why they wouldn’t want such a fact known. Things that make you go hmm...

I had more to say on the subject, but as we entered the last field before rejoining the road that led back into town, a noise pulled my attention.

“What is that?”

Leo was looking out beyond me as Petra spoke: “Bulls were a lot bigger in my day.”

Regardless, this one looked pretty damn big to me. The noise I’d heard was the bull’s snorting breath and its front hoof pawing at the ground, its tiny eyes fixed on us with a look that was anything but benign.

“How fast can you run?” asked Leo, mostly from the side of his mouth.

“Probably not as fast as him.”

“Glad you’re keeping your sense of humor, but when I say run; run.”

“Leo…”

“Now is not the time to argue.” He was slipping his jacket off.

The bull lowered its head.

Leo looked at me. “Run.”

Universe forgive me, but I did what he said. Which might seem cowardly and probably was, but I was scared.

“Faster, Gwendolyn!” Petra called beside me.

“Jesus, at a time like this, can’t you call me by my name?” I yelled back at her.

“No!” she replied.

Behind me, I could hear Leo shouting, and I looked back over my shoulder as I ran to see him yelling at the bull and waving his jacket at it. Drawn by the movement, the bull was charging straight for him. Scared out of my wits that the man I was quickly forming a liking on was about to get gored by an angry bull, I kept looking at him rather than forward and tripped in my headlong dash down the hill.

“Shit!” I went flying, landing on my shoulder and tumbling.

“Gwendolyn! The bull!” Petra yelled.

Apparently, me rolling down the hill was a much more interesting target for the bull than Leo’s jacket, because the big beast skidded to a halt in its pursuit of Leo and took off after me instead.

“Gwen, get up! Get up!” Leo bellowed, chasing after the bull as fast as he could.

But the bull had a start and a surprising turn of speed for its size. It was bearing down on me, its massive, sharp hooves tearing up the ground beneath it. I, meanwhile, was completely frozen in terror, even as I pushed off the ground and then took a step forward before a horrible pain in my ankle made me pause.

“Go!” Petra yelled at me.

I glanced back at the bull and watched it veer off again, distracted by something else.

“You stop chasing her this instant, you appalling beast!” Out to my right, Petra was doing an animated dance, leaping around for all she was worth.

Exactly what animals saw when they looked at Petra, I couldn’t say, but she and I had established over the years that most of them saw something. Dogs didn’t seem to—Mickey had ignored her completely—but dogs were perhaps too close to humans to see spirits? Or maybe it was just Petra they couldn’t see? Or maybe they saw her but didn’t think much of her? I wasn’t sure. Cats—who would kill you in your sleep if they thought there was something in it for them—always reacted to Petra. Whether they saw what I saw or some other apparition, I could only guess, but right now I was just grateful that bulls could also see ghosts. Because Petra was the only reason the bull wasn’t getting up close and personal with me.

Reaching me, Leo skidded to the ground at my side.

“Are you okay?”

“My ankle,” I answered and with that, Leo leaned down, gathered me around my shoulders and below my knees, and picked me up into his arms as if I didn’t weigh a thing. Then he carried me back to the fence, moving as quickly as he was able. I wasn’t sure what to do with my arms, so I looped them around his neck and tried not to look as flustered as I felt.

“Something distracted him, er, the bull,” I managed.

Looking across the field, I saw the bull charge Petra, going straight through her spectral form.

“That’s right! You thought you were going to get me but no!” She yelled at him. The bull tried again, with the same result.

The bull seemed to cotton onto the fact that Petra wasn’t actually there, because it soon lost interest in trying to ram her and turned from Petra and leveled its narrow-eyed stare on Leo and me.

“It sees us,” I whispered to him.

Immediately, he started running, going for the fence for all he was worth, the bull gaining ground behind us. As we reached the fence, Leo gingerly placed me on the opposite side and I held onto the fence to avoid putting any weight on my injured ankle. A second later, he vaulted himself over it and then bent over and caught his breath just before the bull came to a screeching halt with an angry snort. It stared at us through the bars, tossed its head, then wandered off.

“You okay over there?” called Petra.

“Yeah,” I answered without thinking.

“Yeah, what?” asked Leo as he glanced up and looked at me, still in the process of trying to catch his breath.

“Just… yeah.”

We stood there together in the long grass and bracken of the roadside verge, so exhausted that I didn’t even consider the proximity of our bodies.

“Do you want to say ‘I told you so’?” I suggested.

“I don’t think I need to.”

I laughed and Leo joined in. And then we both kept laughing as Leo finally stood up and raised his arms above his head, stretched as he shook his head, and then laughed some more. The laughter was of relief as much as anything. Both of us were exhilarated to have survived. Now that we were safe on the opposite side of the fence, it seemed funny and ridiculous that we’d both just been charged by a bull.

Our eyes met, and I don’t know what in the world prompted me to do what I did next. Maybe it was the elation of having survived a near death experience, or the fact that I owed my life to Leo. Or maybe it was the ridiculousness of Petra as her dance pulled the bull’s attention away from us. Whatever the reason, I took the step that separated us, and leaning up on my foot that wasn’t hurting, I kissed him right on the mouth.

For a moment, I thought I felt Leo respond, but it was only just a moment and afterward, I wondered if I’d imagined even that, because he pulled back almost instantly.

“I’m sorry, I can’t, I…”

“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry,” I pulled back too, and could feel the flush of embarrassment staining my entire face. Had I really just kissed him? A man I didn’t really even know? And had he really just turned me down flat? Yes, yes, he had. “I shouldn’t have done that. I should have…”

“No, it’s not that I didn’t want you to or that I... don’t want you to. I…” Leo seemed to lose his train of thought as he looked skyward and sighed. When he looked back down at me, there was guilt in his eyes. “It’s just that I’m... well, I’m married.”

The shattering noise that might vaguely have been heard over the pleasant background sounds of the English countryside was my hastily constructed dreams crashing to the ground into a million pieces. I’d met Leo less than a day ago so it was true that I had little real investment in him, but it’s amazing how much you can build a potential relationship up in your mind in a short time, particularly if your life has been thin on romance.

“I’m sorry,” Leo muttered again, “I should have mentioned…”

“I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Yes, but I allowed you to think…” He cleared his throat. “That is, I never...” He cleared his throat again. “I believe I led you on and for that, I am sorry.”

“I never asked…” And then I thought of something and looked down at his left hand. There was no wedding band.

“I don’t wear the ring because the forge heats up…”

“You don’t have to explain…”

He looked at me, and there was real regret in his eyes. He sighed. “The sad bloody truth is that I do like you, Gwen…”

It was nothing but the awkward, broken aftermath this sort of situation always leaves in its wake: both parties tripping over themselves to take responsibility for something that never should have happened in the first place.

The truth was, I shouldn’t have kissed him like I had (if a man kissed a woman in that sudden, unasked for way, then there would, quite rightly, be hell to pay). But Leo might have mentioned he was married from the moment I’d met him or thereabouts, especially as… maybe it was my imagination, but we did seem to be getting along pretty well.

“Didn’t see that coming,” said Petra, confirming what I’d thought.

“I should explain,” Leo started.

“There’s nothing to explain,” I answered on a shrug. “You’re married, and I made a mistake in thinking you were... interested.”

“I am interested,” he insisted, before he shook his head. “That’s the damned regrettable truth. I am interested in you, Gwen, but I... I can’t be.”

“Right,” I answered and gave him a little smile I certainly didn’t feel. “The point is: we don’t have to overanalyze something that’s pretty clear.” I didn’t want to dwell on it; I wanted to go home.

“Shona and I…” He was apparently going to explain whether I needed to hear it or not. Maybe he needed to say the words to make himself feel better about the fact that he hadn’t mentioned he had a wife until now. “We’ve been having problems. It’s been…” He breathed in deeply.

“Leo, you don’t have to tell me. It’s none of my business.”

“I want to tell you,” he insisted, shaking his head. “She’s still my wife and I still care about—I still love her, I suppose. It’s just difficult sometimes and…” He looked down. “I think I got carried away being around a woman… being around you—when being around you isn’t difficult. It’s actually quite... easy.”

“I’m easy?” I suggested with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

“Not what I meant. You’re fun and different and... American.”

“I suppose I am that—American.”

He glanced down at the ground and shook his head again. “I enjoyed talking to you, and I didn’t want it to stop, and I thought that if I told you I was married, then you might not want to be friends with me. Which, now I think about it, was pretty arrogant of me.”

“But,” I added, “given what just happened, also pretty accurate.”

He looked at me then and smiled that lopsided, boyish, yet now sad, smile. “Still.”

Would I have stopped being friendly with him if I’d known he was married? Would I have sought him out so eagerly this morning or accepted his help so readily? Probably not. No, definitely not. I wasn’t someone who wanted to come between anyone’s marriage, whether it was a ‘difficult’ marriage or not. I definitely wasn’t a home wrecker.

“I think, in the circumstances,” said Leo, carefully. “Lunch might be a bad idea.”

I laughed. “I think you’re right.”

“It’s not that I wouldn’t like to.”

“No. It’s that you can’t and... I won’t let you.”

“And it’s not that I think a man and a woman can’t have lunch together without it being…”

“I understand.”

He cleared his throat. Again. “It’s not that I think you’d try to kiss me again.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Right.”

“Right.”

“I just—”

“Do you think this is making the situation any less awkward?” I asked.

“Possibly not. I just didn’t want you to think…”

“I don’t.”

“… that…”

“Leo, I don’t think anything.”

A pause.

“Another time…”

“For sure.”

“When it’s all sunk in.”

I didn’t know what that meant. “Definitely.”

I looked back along the road into town. There was only the one route, and we both had to take it.

“So… we should probably talk more about Victoria,” I offered as I took a step and then winced as I remembered my ankle.

“Your ankle.”

“I can manage,” I said and took another step that hurt worse than the first.

“I can still carry you.”

I shook my head. “No, that’s a bad idea.”

“Gwen, you can’t walk.”

“Leo, you’re married.”

“That doesn’t mean—”

“It means I can manage on my own,” I answered, and gave him a little smile.

“At least let me be your crutch,” he said as he offered me his arm. I figured holding onto his elbow wasn’t breaking any rules, so I took it. He felt warm and smelled of man, and it was all I could do to breathe through my mouth.

“I think you’re a beautiful woman,” he said in a soft voice.

“Can we please not do this?”

He nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“So, Victoria then?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes. There’s plenty to talk about where she’s concerned.”

“Indeed.”

“Where to start?”

The walk back into Morley-on-Avon was excruciating, both in its length and silence. It was hard to believe that two people walking side by side (well, one using the other as a crutch) had ever done so for so long without a word being said between them. It wasn’t that I wasn’t trying, but suddenly it seemed as if there was nothing to say, as if there were no topics on which we even could hold a conversation, Victoria included.

Literally, all I could think to talk about was his wife, and that wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have. And I was fairly sure he didn’t want to have it either.

Finally (and it really did feel final) we reached the crossroads in the center of Morley, where he’d go one way and I the other.

“I should assist you home,” he said.

I immediately shook my head, even though my ankle was screaming at me to agree.

“No, I can make it if I just walk slowly,” I argued.

“You’re sure?”

I nodded. “I’m sure.”

“Well, this was nice,” said Leo, which, given how long he’d had to think about how to say goodbye, seemed the most ridiculous thing he could possibly have said.

“Which part specifically?” I asked.

Leo considered my question. “The start more than the end?”

I couldn’t help laughing. It didn’t help to be reminded that he was a genuinely nice guy whose company I really enjoyed. “I’m pretty sure we have more nice days ahead of us,” I managed, even though I didn’t believe my words at all. It was just a nice way of saying goodbye. “I think we’ll be good friends... eventually. When everything cools down.”

I put out my hand, and Leo shook it.

“I would like that very much,” he said in a soft, wistful voice. “You’re... you’re special, I’m pretty sure.”

“Well, I appreciate that.” He didn’t let go of my hand until we both looked down at our joined ones. Then he dropped it like it was scalding hot. “But maybe we give it a week,” I finished.

“Or two.”

“Or three.”

We went our separate ways and though I was now alone, the world suddenly seemed louder than it had thirty seconds ago.

“That was awkward,” said Petra.

“Yes.”

“You shouldn’t have kissed him, Gwendolyn, it was most certainly not ladylike.”

“Right.”

“Perhaps there’s a lesson to be learned here.”

“Thank you, Petra.”

The ghost shrugged. “I was brought up being told that kissing men was wrong—entirely too forward. Now, I had a somewhat strict upbringing—very strict by your modern standards—but perhaps it was situations like this that my governess was trying to avoid.”

“Maybe.”

We got back to Bluebells and I was relieved to be home.

Though, to be honest, it still didn’t feel like home. Which was natural, given how recently I’d moved in. But it felt oddly less like home than it had this morning when I’d left. Partly I thought that was because the ill-advised kiss had made me wish I lived anywhere other than this small town in which I was likely to run into my mistake on a daily basis. But I thought it was also a factor of what I’d learned about Victoria. I hadn’t learned much about her to be sure, but what I had found out made me feel more like a lodger in her house rather than a resident in my own. She seemed to have been happy enough with her life, but it was hard to ignore the streak of loneliness that ran through it. Why had she kept such secrets? About her past? About this man in her life? What had she been afraid of?

Suddenly the walls of my new home seemed to radiate the same questions, as if over the years of her occupancy, they’d absorbed something of their previous owner. As if she’d asked herself these very same questions.

“Maybe we should take another look through Victoria’s stuff?” I suggested, thinking particularly of the diary of Victoria’s that Joanne had mentioned.

“Have we finished discussing the kiss and your total humiliation?” asked Petra, seemingly completely unaware of how rude she sounded.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s to talk about?” I asked with a shrug. “It happened and I can’t think of anything I regret more.”

“Well, while your regrets are quite understandable, I will tell you that Leo closed his eyes when you kissed him,” Petra said, and I frowned over at her.

“So what?”

“So a man doesn’t close his eyes during a kiss unless he likes said kiss.”

“Well, he also pulled away a split second later, so it’s a moot point.”

“True, but my point was just that he liked it, and that means he likes you.”

“Doesn’t matter—he’s married and I’m not going there.”

She nodded. “I agree.”

It was my turn to nod. “Good. Now that the subject of Leo and me is dead and buried, let’s talk about the woman who was killed here.”

“Good to have a distraction,” nodded Petra.