A Grave So Cold by CM Tillman
Chapter 1
Warm smells of fall drifted through my open window, blended with the brisk autumn air, signaling the turning of the seasons. I drew a deep breath- cinnamon, pumpkin, apple, and sugar all mingling. There was a tang of fog machines and musty fabric woven in- the classic tells of Halloween. I peered down from my bedroom window, where I had the best vantage of our street.
Across the street, Ms. Florence was busy putting the final touches on her haunted hospital set up. Armed with a bucket full of fake blood, she methodically poured and painted the crimson liquid around her mutilated bodies and operating tables. Cops had shown up to her home on more than one occasion, double checking her decorations were really plastic.
Bent at the waist, her long skirt sweeping behind her as she danced around a blood-soaked doctor, the town librarian swiveled her head to the house next door. She lifted her bloody brush, giving a quick wave, before bending back down.
Mr. Voltz continued to wave from his yard. Lips quirking into a smile, I watched as his eyes lingered on the bent over librarian before turning back to his own decor. Mr Voltz held the unofficial town title of ‘Most Selfie Worthy’ yard. He hand-painted every decoration, from his glittery seven foot pumpkin to the backdrop used by the locals for family portraits.
I’d watched the awkward dance between my neighbors since Mr. Voltz moved in ten years ago. Their painfully obvious attraction to each other, and subsequent inability to act on their feelings, was the talk of the town during the holidays. Every year they somehow added more and more to their displays, which usually resulted in them both being outside for hours, catches glances of each other.
The result was spectacular displays, especially during Halloween.
Which made my lack of decoration that much more depressing.
A lone pumpkin, already sagging in on itself, was the only item on our front porch, a sad sight compared to the grand displays surrounding us. I wish I could say it was a fluke, a onetime mistake because of the rush of life or lack of creativity, but no. Lack of funds was usually the culprit, coupled with dad’s lack of holiday spirit.
“Decorations are expensive, puppet.” He would say. “Don’t worry, Halloween will always be there.” It was true, we struggled with money. His job as an accountant paid little since he had to work from home because of his chronic illness.
It wasn’t just Halloween, though; it was all holidays, to be fair. But Halloween was my favorite time of the year, and not just because it was a few weeks before my birthday. I loved the costumes, the candy, the food, but mostly I loved how no one was criticized for how they celebrated.
Unlike other holidays where you felt pressure from family and friends to perform at a certain level, Halloween didn’t require any of that. It was the one Holiday I felt totally free to be myself, and not the sad, poor girl on Oak Street who lived with her sick father.
I moved from my window back to my standing mirror, taking one last look at myself. I smoothed out my poodle skirt, borrowed from Anna when she played Sandy in a school play, and patted my slicked back ponytail for any stray hairs. I had to admit I looked cute as Sandy, despite my hair being a few shades too dark.
Tossing my mahogany hair over my shoulder, I squinted my eyes at my reflection, puckering my ruby stained lips. Personally, I would have chosen a different costume, but then I wouldn’t be matching Zack Hunter.
My crush since fifth grade, I’d been secretly yearning for him all these years without hope. Zack was always with someone, unavailable and seemingly disinterested. Then, two days ago, everything changed.
I’d just left my part-time job working for Ms. Florence at the library. It paid next to nothing, but it was enough to keep some cash in my pocket while giving me some time to myself. I loved how quiet the library was during the week. My job was mainly running the second-hand bookstore and occasionally helping Ms. Florence when the returned items stacked up.
I read a lot in my downtime, since I couldn’t afford to buy new books. But the cash I received once a week was enough to buy the five dollar special at the Slice ‘N Dice pizzeria with my friends after their classes.
“You missed fall enrollment.” Anna said, her tone on the verge of feral as she shook a thick layer of parmesan cheese over her pizza. I made a show of being very intrigued with my pepperoni slices, carefully adjusting them around the cheese.
Anna dropped the cheese shaker, hard, causing my eyes to flick to her heated gaze. Her heart-shaped face was scrunched up into a sneer, her usually soft features hard as she pinned me with her hazel eyes.
“Anna,” Hailey said calmly, “We talked about this.” And just like that, Anna melted back into her cheery self. She tossed back her wavy black hair, a bright smile making her eyes twinkle as she gave Hailey a coquettish look.
Hailey, ever the pragmatic one, cut me a knowing glance.
“Willow will sign up for classes in the Spring. Won’t you?” She gazed at me through her teal colored hair as she sipped on her soda.
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “It all depends on how dad’s feeling.”
Anna pouted, “Willow, you will be twenty-one in a few weeks.”
“So?” I shot back.
“So start living your own life.” She snapped.
Hailey elbowed her in the ribs, “She means-”
“I know what she means.” I grumbled. “Look, my dad is getting worse. He won’t admit it, but he is. I can’t just leave him.”
“Take classes online then!” Anna’s voice was rising. “You have a scholarship. Don’t be a moron!”
“I have to help with the bills….”
“See Hailey, I told you she’d just make excuses.” Anna shook her head. “You’re too afraid to step out of your shell.”
“I am not.” I protested lamely, knowing she was right.
“You must start living your own life, Willow. If not now, when?” I heard the unspoken question. When he dies? I didn’t want to admit it. I knew then I was hiding from the truth. Dad wasn’t getting better, and he wasn’t going to. There was nothing the doctors or I could do, but that didn’t mean I could just leave him.
“Baby steps. Start with classes, like you promised. Otherwise, you are going to get stuck in this tiny town like our parents. Raising kids with juice-stained mouths and sticky hands.” Hailey shuddered.
“You’re right.” I sighed. “I want more than that.” Sure, it was easy to say I wanted more, but what was it really what I wanted?
Just then, Zack Hunter appeared, his long legs carrying him to an empty booth across from us. I swallowed hard as he brushed a lock of dark hair from his face, wondering how his fingers would feel against my face.
“Well,” Anna gave Zack a mischievous grin, “Start living.”
I almost said no, like normal. We’d played this game since the first time I’d laid eyes on him in the gym. I would have stubbornly sat there, gaping at him in silence, until Hailey and Anna would grow bored with me and leave.
But Ms. Florence walked in just then, just as Mr. Voltz was leaving with his take out. They froze, staring at each other like deer in headlights, oblivious to everyone else.
“Oh,” Anna breathed, her hand fluttering to grab Hailey’s. “Maybe this is it!” Ever the romantic, Anna continued to hold out the belief that they would crack one day and let themselves fall madly in love.
Hailey sighed, her green eyes finding mine as we exchanged a knowing look just as Mr. Voltz snapped out of his stupor.
He moved to the side, dipping his head slightly and muttering something we couldn’t hear. I could see the sweat glistening on his forehead as the librarian glided around him. She raced up to the counter, her chest heaving as she caught her breath.
I watched him give her one last look, the longing so bare on his face it made my heart ache.
“Just go to her already.” Anna hissed. Loud enough, the poor man nearly jumped out of his skin. He rushed out the door, cheeks burning.
If it hadn’t been for that one fleeting moment, I would have carried on with my boring life. But something about the way he looked at her cracked my heart. Would that be me? Wasting my life away, looking out my window longingly at life?
I’m not sure what propelled me to him then- the fear of missing out on life, the need to prove to my friends that I wasn’t boring, or the weight of my feelings for him for the last decade. None of it mattered once I stood, nearly knocking my drink over, and walked over his booth. I slide across from him, his perfect lips curling into a sly smile as he cocked his head.
“Hey Willow, what’s up?” He purred, and I felt my body run hot. He knew my name! The shock of it wiped all the carefully prepared responses I had from my mind. I sat there, stupidly silent, as he waited for me to answer.
Suddenly I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind, “Are you going to the Graveyard Gala?”
He raised a perfectly arched brow, his achingly handsome face turning into a grin. “That depends, are you?”
My heart threatened to burst out of my throat. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks, but somehow I stayed composed. “Only if you’re going to be there.” Shock ran through me. How was I managing this?
He leaned back, as if observing me for the first time. “I’m going as Danny, from Grease.” He said nonchalantly.
“I guess that means I need to be Sandy.”
And just like that, I was going to the biggest Halloween party of the year with Zack Hunter.
I still have no idea how or why I was able to pull it off. Normally I would be awkward, shy and unsure of myself. The entire conversation up to the point when I returned to a speechless Anna and Hailey grinning like a fool was an out-of-body experience.
“Where has that Willow been all my life?” Anna sputtered, just as surprised as I was.
“I always knew she could do it.” Hailey gave me a gentle kick under the table.
I wanted to keep being that person, the one who could surprise everyone, including herself.
Costume complete, I tucked my phone and wallet in one of the skirt’s pockets and headed downstairs for the next part of my transformation. Willow, the cunning liar.
“Hey dad.” I called from atop the stairs.
“Down here, puppet.” I cringed internally at his pet name for me, a long outdated endearment that I continued to let him practice.
“I’m leaving now.” I called again, rushing down the stairs in hopes of getting to the door before he did.
“Anna’s?” He asked, appearing in the hall below. He always had a way of doing that. I slowed down, leaping from the last step to stand by him. Once, he stood a foot taller than me. But over the years, I’d watched him slowly shrink until he barely stood to my shoulder. The mere thought made my heart ache.
“Yes Dad,” I chuckled.
“You aren’t going anywhere else, right?” He asked, his pale face frowning up at me.
“Dad, we do the same thing every Halloween. We watch terrible scary movies and eat too much candy.” It was the truth. Ever since we stopped trick or treating, we always stayed over at Anna’s.
Just not this year.
“Well, have fun, Puppet. And remember-”
“Don’t go walking over graves, I know Dad.” I sighed, giving him a peck on the cheek.
“I’m serious, Willow. Stay away from graveyards tonight.” He gave me a stern look that melted into a pained expression as he suppressed a cough.
“I will be fine, Dad.” I said as I walked him back to his chair in the living room. “Are you going to pass out candy tonight?” I asked, changing the subject.
He shook his head. “I think I will go to bed early tonight.” He groaned as he sat back in front of the TV.
“Okay, well, make sure to fall asleep in your actual bed and not down here.” I handed him his remote and stood for a moment, watching while he settled in.
“You don’t have to worry about me, Puppet. Go have fun with your friends.” He waved me off.
I left, feeling only slightly guilty about lying. Dad was very superstitious about the weirdest things. Black cats and sidewalk cracks were laughable to him, but we always cleaned the house before the New Year and ate black-eyed peas to bring in luck. He was mostly weird about cemeteries.
We’d never been to the town cemetery, though we really had no need to. Dad kept my mom’s ashes in an urn in his room. He said she didn’t want to be spread out without him. I once brought up getting a spot for her in the cemetery when I was younger. I’d never seen him so distraught when he told me no.
“One day you will understand, puppet.” Part of me wondered if her death was the reason behind his aversion towards cemeteries. She died so young, giving birth to me. It must have affected him to be left all alone with a newborn in a new place. Their marriage caused a rift in her family, a bunch of rich blue bloods out East, and since her death no one had seen or heard from them.
As I closed the front door behind me, I whispered a quick apology to him. Despite all his superstitious ways, I was going to enter the cemetery tonight. I was done being the responsible, quiet, dutiful daughter.
It was about time for me to get into some trouble.