Burning Steel by Kat Bammer
1
Since her immediate future resembled the dark, looming waters below.
Only one question remained…
was it better to jump or white-knuckle her way through it?
Lisa Reynolds’ fingers tightened around the railing while she looked down—way down into the black water and took a whiff of the salty air. Even though her present life sucked, she knew three things to be reasonably accurate.
#1 Losing her virginity at a funeral had probably doomed her love life forever.
#2 Bad habits and poor decisions kept her unerringly stuck in the same old patterns and outcomes as sure as adhesive tape always ended up sticking to the soles of her socks.
And finally, #3… as much as she longed for it… the forever-kind-of-love of her dreams was likely not going to happen for her.
She couldn’t change #1, except curse Peter Fisher—but what about #2 and #3… she could accept the one and change the other or vice versa… or both… but only after a good cry and at least a pint of ice cream.
“Don’t jump. We can always talk about it.”
Lisa blinked away the heat before she turned to her best friend, Claire Gunterson, and rolled her eyes. “Might be more comfortable in the water than in there. Wanna jump together?” The wind blew Lisa’s hair across her face, and she pushed it behind her ear.
Claire settled next to her at the railing and stared down the hull of the cruise ship they were on and into the dark water of the Caribbean Sea. “Tempting, but no way in hell.”
Lisa looked down again. Honestly, she wouldn’t jump even if her life depended on it. She loved the water, just not so much in the dark, and she wasn’t a massive fan of heights; the combination of the two looked like an endless black hole.
Kind of like her life right now.
“But how about we go in there”—Claire pointed at the bar where the farewell party took place—“and tell your ex-dick what’s what?”
Lisa shrugged; maybe she should jump, just to avoid the party.
Claire tapped her foot. “Why’re we even here if you dread it so much?”
“Courtesy, I guess?”
“Ha, courtesy, my ass. The guy dumped you for a job. You don’t have to play nice.”
“I’m not playing nice.”
“Oh, I see, and why are you hiding out here? It’s freezing.”
“I needed fresh air for a moment. Let’s head back inside.” Lisa loosened her clasp on the railing, and her eyes met Claire’s.
“Are you shaking already? It’s been like two seconds. God, you’re such a wuss.”
“Am not.” Claire crossed her arms, but her face turned somber. “You sure you’re okay? Maybe we should burn his favorite T-shirt or something?”
“And where would we do this on board?”
“We’ve got a gas stove in the galley.”
Lisa chuckled. “I can see the headline already. Infamous sous-chef Claire Gunterson started the fire that led to the tragic shipwreck on the coast of Tahiti.”
Claire crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Then tell me how I can make it better.”
Lisa embraced a reluctant Claire. “I’m fine. It’s not like this relationship was going anywhere. This is a big opportunity for Kirk, and he’d be dumb not to take it. His own gig was always his dream.”
Hers too, and in her mind, she had envisioned them opening a diving center together—well, he hadn’t.
He hadn’t even asked her to go with him—he’d just ended their relationship.
“But, you could make it work.” Claire’s voice took on an exasperated tone. “We’re in Tahiti once a week, anyway. So, you could see each other.”
Lisa shrugged and pushed down the sick feeling in her stomach. “I think it’s for the best. He wants to be free. And I can respect that.”
Claire raised her brows. “You’ve been together for a year, and he realizes that just now? What a worthless piece of shit.”
Lisa choked.
Yep. That he was.
Another man in her life who stepped out of the future-husband-line and into the dick-line, right behind the first in line—Peter Fisher—who dumped her at the sweet age of eighteen and still had the audacity to outshine every man who’d followed.
But this whole mess said something about her too.
Maybe she was self-delusional about the men in her life. Or perhaps she was just inept in the whole concept of love and relationships—whatever. She got used to the gut punch when realization hit that her dreams and reality weren’t even in the same ballpark. First, it left her stunned, then hurt, then pissed off.
Argh.
Lisa grimaced and rubbed at her chest. She didn’t need this shit. She wasn’t so weak she needed a man to love her.
Hell no.
She was good on her own.
Better off.
Stupid feelings only got in the way of what mattered in life.
They entered the wind-sheltered lounge area where the farewell party for Kirk took place. He would leave the ship tomorrow. Thank God.
Lisa’s cell phone went off in the pocket of her shorts, and she took it out and glimpsed at the display, then sighed.
Her mother. How did her mother know the exact moment Lisa was already down on her knees?
She hadn’t talked to her mother in months, and she would gladly put it off another few if she could. She wasn’t in the right state of mind to take on her mother’s criticism.
Not today.
Not that she ever was.
Lisa silenced the call and slipped the phone back into her pocket, and met Claire’s raised eyebrows after she made a beeline to the bar—she needed a drink and fast. “My mother.”
Claire grimaced and nodded. They had talked enough about Lisa’s dysfunctional relationship with her mother, so Claire understood. “Let’s get something to drink and take it down to our cabin,” Claire said as if she could read Lisa’s mind.
Lisa yawned and stretched while they waited for the barkeeper. Yep, their cabin would be heaven. It had been mere chance that she and Claire had started their jobs on the ship on the same day at the same time. Both had never worked on a cruise ship before, so after they got assigned a shared cabin, they clung together. Luckily they hit it off at once and had been best friends ever since, even though, with two women in such tight quarters—what were the chances? But somehow, they made it work.
“Hey, Lisa.”
Lisa stopped. Shit nearly made it. She turned around and fake-smiled at Marcy, a fellow diving instructor on the cruise ship. (And a bitch of epic proportions.)
“So, rumor on the street is you and Kirk have broken up?”
And…right for the kill. That’s what Lisa hated about this ship. Everybody was always in your business. How was it possible? She had tried to escape this very thing when she left her small hometown, Moon Lake, just to land thousands and thousands of miles away, but smack dab in the middle of the same thing on a ship? Maybe she was haunted? Or just stupid. “Yep, no big deal.”
“So, you are not heartbroken about it?”
Lisa could see right through Marcy’s pitiful smile and stiffened her spine, and shook her head. “No. It just didn’t work.”
What a pile of bull crap.
Even to her own ears, her words rang somehow lame, like a quote out of a fortune cookie.
She filed away the sudden sting in her chest, which didn’t exactly match her words either, and plastered a smile on her face. This would pass. She would make it pass. So she needed a deflection tactic.
“I’m okay. Great, actually.” Lisa’s mind fumbled a little. “The test run for the new program went off without a hitch. So, I’ll have enough work on my hands these coming months.” When she’d pitched the program to cruise administration—a program that offered therapeutic scuba diving to people with disabilities, Lisa had been shaking with nerves. But they’d not only picked up her idea, they’d also put her in charge. Lisa wasn’t naïve enough to think they did it out of the goodness of their hearts and not for the publicity, but at least she could help people.
Claire came back with two bottles of beer and pointed to the door.
“Ah, the first run, how did the client do? I was with the beginners this week, so we didn’t leave the pool much,” Marcy said.
“Yeah, how was the first week?” Claire handed Lisa a bottle of beer and settled into their conversation.
Wasn’t their plan to escape ASAP? Lisa sighed. Brian Glenn had been her first candidate for the program. Brian had lost both legs and the use of his right hand, but it had turned out he could fin perfectly with his prosthetics. Then again, holding his position underwater and not flipping over had been a challenge for them.
“I talked to his wife, Steph, yesterday. According to her, she hasn’t seen him smile and interact with people as much since it all happened. So, it’s a success, in my book.” Lisa smiled when she remembered how good it felt to receive the feedback. “The diving was a little rough at first, but we got into a groove real quick.” Brian Glenn and his wife, Steph, were the kind of couple Lisa always envied. Her stomach hardened again when her gaze wandered over to Kirk, the man of the night.
“Do you know what happened to him, you know, with his legs?” Claire asked.
Lisa shook her head to clear the thoughts off her mind. “Roadside bomb. They had it rough. He battles with PTSD on top of his injuries, which, I guess, is tough. But his wife sticks with him.”
Claire and Marcy nodded, and they fell silent. Soon they said goodbye, and Lisa and Claire set out for their cabin. On their way, Lisa could already see the lights at the port of Tahiti, and her phone rang again. She pulled it out, glanced at the display, grimaced, and slipped it back inside. Twice in a row—strange. She would call her mother once they were back in their cabin.
“Lisa!”
Lisa looked back and saw her boss Chad rushing after them and groaned. “Yes?”
Chad stopped before her and shuffled his feet. “Cruise administration informed me they will not fill Kirk’s position. So, we have to drop the new program. Not enough resources. I’m sorry”—he hesitated—“for everything.” Then he gave a decisive nod and turned on his heels back to the party as if he hadn’t just single-handedly destroyed Lisa’s dream.
Lisa stared at his retreating back and shivered with the sudden coldness that hit her core. The urge to cry was so overwhelming she squeezed her eyes shut. She’d lost her program and her boyfriend within forty-eight hours. All the feelings she’d tried so hard to suppress threatened to overwhelm her. But she wouldn’t break down. Not here. Not now.
“I’m sorry, Lizzy.” Claire wrapped her hand around Lisa’s arm and squeezed gently.
Lisa forced down the threatening tears and gave her best friend a wobbly smile. She shrugged but remained silent all the way to their cabin. Thoughts jumbled in her mind; somehow, it all seemed surreal. Lisa couldn’t remember the rest of their walk back to the cabin. But she must’ve somehow gone through the mechanics because she was sitting on her bunk, her phone in hand. Ready to call back her mother.
When the shower started, she pushed the button. All she wanted was to crawl into her bed, put her covers over her head, and have this day just end. “Hey, Mom—”
“Finally…nice of you to find the time to call back.”
Lisa massaged her temples and ignored the sarcasm in her mother’s voice. Conflicting feelings of defiance and inferiority bubbled up within her. Astounding how her mother could put her on edge in mere seconds with just a few well-placed words and her very own brand of sarcasm. That’s why Lisa limited contact with her mother. She counted to ten under her breath and slowly exhaled.
There was rumbling on the other side of the phone, and after a mumbled conversation, Lisa’s sister Karen came on.
“Hey, girl, it’s about Dad. He’s been in an accident. We’re in the hospital. It doesn’t look good.” Karen sniffled. “The doctors don’t think he’ll make it. So, come home as fast as possible.”
Her mother said something in the background, but Lisa couldn’t understand anything over the rush of blood in her ears and the sudden fear that twisted her gut.
Lisa ended the call and grabbed her bag from above her small closet. Tears pooled in her eyes and were streaming down her face when Claire exited the small bathroom.
Their cabin was small, so the door caught Lisa in the back, but she didn’t even feel it through her numbness.
“What the hell happened? Did you call your mother? What did she say to you?” Claire took Lisa gently by the shoulders and made her sit down on the bed. She fetched a box of tissues and sat beside her.
“It’s my dad…” The wracking sobs made talking difficult. “…He’s in the hospital.” Lisa sniffed.
Claire handed her a tissue.
“I need to get on the next flight home. The doctors…Karen…she doesn’t think he’ll make it.”
The words, spoken out loud, catapulted Lisa out of her shock and plunged her into activity. She jumped up, threw her bag next to Claire on the bed, grabbed random clothes, underwear, and toiletries out of her closet, and stuffed them into the bag. She stopped for a moment and handed Claire her passport. Claire had already fired up her laptop and secured Lisa an unexpectantly cheap seat out to LA. Lisa would have to change planes in LA anyway and, from there, arrange the rest of her journey home to the small town of Moon Lake.
Within the hour, Lisa was on her way home for the first time in years.