Loving the Sheriff by Cami Checketts

Chapter One

Alisa Lanza’s cadence slowed as the incline on the trail grew increasingly more difficult. She panted for air and her legs burned, but her early morning runs were one of the few moments of freedom and happiness she had in her day. The early spring morning was gorgeous and full of light. No rain today, which was rare for the Oregon coast, and the birds sang to her from the lofty pine trees. The forest was her safe place. If only she could dart deeper into the trees and disappear forever. It would be a lot weaker stance than her mother had taken on the servitude of being a Lanza woman, but it still might mean freedom. Freedom was almost as appetizing to her as Jake Tarbet. But Jake was one reason she’d never be free.

Her father had suggested several times that she would be “safer” running on the treadmill in their well-equipped home gym. It was one of the few times she’d carefully stood up for herself and explained that she needed the outside air, the vitamin D, though that wasn’t always readily available in their gorgeous Southern Oregon valley, and the trails were easier on her joints.

She’d been amazed when he’d acquiesced. Her father had never physically hurt her like her brothers, but he controlled who she associated with, what career path she took, and what she did with her time. She didn’t think he had men following her on her runs. At least she’d never spotted them, but that might not mean anything. With the tracker implanted inside her cheek after he caught wind of her sneaking around with Jake Tarbet in high school, her father always knew where she was.

She’d wondered if the tracker worked up in the mountains. Maybe she could just keep on running, find a survivalist colony who would take her in and protect her. She rolled her eyes at herself. She’d never leave her sister-in-law Kate and niece Carmen in her father’s clutches without the little protection she offered them, and she’d never put innocent people in danger of her father’s wrath and power. Survivalists might be tough and able to defy the government, but even they wouldn’t stand a chance against the likes of Phillip Lanza. She’d always known how dangerous and evil he was but when she’d confided in a favorite teacher, Miss Sally, in middle school about some of the criminal activities her family was involved in, her father had somehow known about the conversation, told Alisa she would regret the betrayal, and Miss Sally had died during the night. A sleeping pill overdose had been the diagnosis, but Alisa knew better. He’d taken Miss Sally out before she could talk to authorities and so Alisa would learn consequences. She had toed the line after that. Except those blissful times she’d spent with Jake.

She said a prayer in her heart to not hate her father. She knew the scriptures well, and she hated to break commandments, but honoring thy father and mother was a rough one. As a short-sighted child, she had lost respect for her gentle mother. Alisa had watched her put up with emotional abuse, nonstop cheating from her husband, and being completely controlled. Her mother had been a puppet and had finally jumped off the cliffs at the highest spot when the tide was out, ending it all. She was beginning to understand her mother more each day, empathize with her, and wonder if death was the only escape the beautiful Allyandra Lanza could find from Phillip Lanza. Alisa hoped death wasn’t her only hope as well.

Since Jonathon had been killed in Costa Rica falling off a cliff and Richard had disappeared after being arrested for kidnapping and murder, her father had grown more desperate, controlling, and mean. She hadn’t believed it was possible for him to get even more cruel and underhanded, but he was either the devil himself or one of his prime henchmen.

Taking a long breath, she pushed the bitter, scared, angry thoughts away and looked at the beauty surrounding her. She loved the mountains. She loved animals. She loved God. She loved Carmen. She loved Kate. She loved Sheriff Jake Tarbet, too, but nobody would ever know that. Her life was awful, but she could still defy her father by loving and lifting her niece and sister-in-law and secretly loving Jake and her Savior.

A runner came down the trail toward her. She wasn’t afraid. She had pepper spray and had been trained by a kind bodyguard on how to fight when she was sixteen after Mike had caught her brother Jonathon beating her up for eating lunch at Jake’s table in the cafeteria. They had started sneaking around after that. Her brothers had been cheating, lying, conniving scum-balls, just like her father. Alisa should feel guilt that she didn’t mind them both being gone from her life and from Kate and Carmen’s. Because of Mike’s training, she’d been able to sometimes stop her brothers from thumping on her, but Mike had long since disappeared. Alisa was sure he’d had too much of a conscience to be around her father for long. She hoped he wasn’t dead, but wouldn’t bet on it.

The other reason she wasn’t afraid of some other runner or an animal hurting her was because she really didn’t care. The only thing she lived for was Kate and Carmen. Miracles had rid them of Jonathon and Richard. She wasn’t certain, but she suspected Jake’s friends, the Flyers, were part of their death and arrest. Did she dare hope a miracle could happen and they’d take out her dad? Jake had been elected sheriff last fall and her dad no longer had his evil cohort, Sheriff Jensen, to support him, but he had plenty of law enforcement in his back pocket. Even some in Jake’s employ. If only she knew who. If only she could warn him. She could help him take out her father. But that was a dream that could never come true. Her only hope was that her father would die of a heart attack or stroke or some mobster with more power would get territorial and gun him down.

The runner appeared around a bend and Alisa sucked in a breath. Jake. Oh, heaven above, help. Please don’t let me reveal how much I love him.

Jake focused in on her with those incredible deep-brown eyes of his and nothing else existed but the two of them. He was all things desirable to her—manly and tough, with a well-defined, lean frame. His handsome face was sculpted and shadowed by just the right amount of dark hair. His hair was almost black with a wave that made her want to run her fingers through it like she used to have the privilege of doing, and his lips were naturally pink. She knew from experience that they tasted like heaven. It was all the charming and teasing things he said from those lips that she missed more than anything.

Those lips turned up in a welcoming smile and his chocolate gaze was warm and luscious as he said in an awed, husky whisper, as if she were the best thing he’d seen since Die Hard, “Alisa.”

She felt like somebody had slammed a two-by-four into her chest. She gasped for air and wanted to say all breathy, “Jake.” She wanted to tell him how she loved him, but sadly, it didn’t matter that he was the sheriff now and a grown, tough, irresistible man. Her father had followed through on every threat he’d ever made. Including killing her dog, Mate, at seven when she made the mistake of begging her dad to stop hurting her mom.

She would never give Phillip Lanza reason to follow through with his most terrifying threat of all. He’d told her at sixteen, “If I catch you talking to or touching Jake Tarbet again, I will cut him into little pieces and make you watch. Then I’ll scatter him over the ocean.”

Then her father had made her watch his men carve up a man named Randy to drive home his threat. She still woke up in cold sweats and usually retching when the nightmare of Randy’s torture came back.

She gulped in horror at the same happening to Jake. She’d given her father no reason to go after Jake for ten long years now. No matter how many times she’d snubbed him, turned her back on him, or turned up her nose at him, he still lit up when he saw her and watched her go with a tortured gaze when she walked away.

Did she dare say hello today? What if she simply said his name like he’d said hers?

No! The flood gates would open and she’d throw herself at Jake’s perfect chest and somehow her father would know. He always knew. And then this incredible man would be killed—because of her lack of self control and her desperate love for him.

She couldn’t let herself respond to her lifelong love, but she couldn’t pull her gaze away either. As they neared each other, she knew she had to somehow run on past. She’d seen him so many times over the years—at church, at the store, at restaurants, funerals, weddings, on the beach, even on these mountain runs along her favorite trail, but she’d always stayed strong to protect him.

His dark eyes begged her to talk to him, to remember what they once had together. Oh, she remembered. It was all crystal clear. The flirtations, meaningful looks, long talks, and incredible kisses they’d shared her sophomore and his senior year of high school were never far from her mind. It should’ve just been a high school romance, flaring fast and then forgotten, but it was everything to her. The connection they’d had was what people wrote books about. There was also the fact that being with Jake was the only time she’d been able to say what she truly felt, and instead of being ridiculed or disciplined, she’d been loved.

The toe of her foot caught on something and she suddenly flew forward. She should’ve slammed into the hard trail, but Jake was right there. He did an incredible move, as if he were diving and catching a football. He twisted his body and landed underneath her, cushioning her fall. Wrapping her up tight, he skidded on his back and she ended up splayed on top of him, safe in his muscular arms, her face inches from his perfect face.

It was all so familiar, like falling into a dream she never wanted to leave. He was much stronger and more developed in the chest and arms than he had been, yet somehow they still fit together in exactly the same way. They’d only had a short time together and exactly four kissing sessions she’d never forget, but for ten years Alisa had longed to be back in his arms. Now that she was finally here, she saw how bland and lacking in detail all her daydreams had been. The real experience was a million times more exhilarating.

They were both panting for breath as they lay there, the length of his powerful body against hers. Fire and desire rushed through her and she couldn’t have moved if a freight train was bearing down on them.

“You all right?” he asked, his voice all deep and irresistible. She hadn’t let herself get close enough to hear more than her name on his lips. His voice had deepened over the years, and she loved it.

“Yes, thank you,” she managed. He’d rescued her like some kind of superhero. If only she could cling to him and let him be her personal hero.

His arms were tight around her back, and he let out a husky groan. “Ah, Alisa, I’ve missed you.”

Her eyes widened, and she couldn’t catch a breath. He was so close it would be no problem to move just a fraction closer and claim his mouth with her own. It would actually be more work to pull away from him, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

He had so easily admitted his feelings, but sadly it had been deeply ingrained in her that she had no business having feelings, especially not for this off-limits model of macho perfection. If she dared kiss him or stay in his arms, he’d know how much she still adored him, and Jake would do something about it. He was one hundred percent tough male, the law enforcer who always did what was right, protected the innocent and downtrodden, served and lifted, and was confident and in charge of the world around him. If Jake knew she loved him, he’d move mountains and take out evil men so they could be together again. And get himself killed by her father in the process. Her father had multiple henchmen that were mean, dirty, and had no idea what integrity and fair fighting meant. They would kill Jake, no matter how tough and experienced he was with fighting, weapons, and intrigue. And it would be all on her.

If there was one thing Alisa had learned about herself in nearly a decade as an adult, it was she could push her own desires away to protect those she loved. She forced herself to dig inside and produce the strength to stop being selfish and savoring this moment of being held in his exquisite arms. She attempted to push off of him.

“What are you doing?” he asked, seeming shocked that she would have any desire to leave his embrace. She had no desire, but she had to do it.

“Let me go,” she insisted, forcing her face into a haughty expression and squirming to get free.

Hurt filled his beautiful dark gaze. “Is that really what you want?”

She closed her eyes so she couldn’t see him, but she could still feel him, every glorious inch of him. He surrounded her and his strength and goodness oozed into her. Ten years of not feeling his touch and she could hardly stand to lose it now. She was safe, happy, and never wanted to pull away.

“Ali?” he asked, using the nickname for her that only he had been privileged to use.

Please, somebody in heaven, help me be strong. His death can’t be on my hands.

The prayer and remembrance of what would happen to him if she let down her guard and Jake went after her father or her father found out she’d talked to and touched him gave her strength and purpose.

She was an accountant and worked with innocent clients, usually pro bono, to pretend to the town that Lanzas were generous and good, but she spent most of her long workday crunching numbers and researching to keep her father’s underhanded business deals from being revealed. Sometimes she couldn’t work her magic and they had to bribe an IRS employee to help them out, but mostly she had the “Midas touch” as her father and his corrupt accountants who checked her work would say. She was invaluable to her father, and she’d been able to protect herself, Kate, and Carmen to a certain extent because of that. They’d never have freedom, but her father didn’t hurt them physically, and had usually spared the lives of people they cared about.

But Jake … she couldn’t protect him. He’d be killed and she would never recover.

“Let me go,” she said in a steely voice that she hardly recognized. Strength born from heaven above. She met his gaze and prayed he couldn’t read through her fake-angry expression to the heartache and longing underneath.

He swallowed, and her gaze traced his smooth neck. What she wouldn’t give to kiss that neck. Instead, she’d have to be content to remember and savor this experience of being held by him again. Maybe it would last her another ten years.

What if he found a beautiful sweetheart and got married in the next ten years? Nobody would blame him, least of all her, but she might follow her mom’s steps off the cliffs at low tide if he did.

Sheesh, that was morbid.

Please help me, she begged of heaven for the hundredth time this week. She wondered sometimes if her Father above got sick of her constant pleadings, but He’d put her in her family situation, a pit of despair from which there was no escape, so she figured He had a purpose for her and would strengthen and help her if she didn’t give up on her faith.

“If that’s really what you want.” Jake gave her a significant look, an obvious opening to admit how she truly felt about him, admit all she wanted was for him to never let her go, but she couldn’t be that weak.

“It is,” she said as firmly as she could.

His brown eyes grew puppy-dog sad, but he was too good of a man not to obey a lady’s request. He regrettably listened and unlatched his arms from around her back. She scrambled off him and to her feet. Her body immediately started shaking, processing how horrific it was to have felt his arms around her and to know she’d never feel it again.

Jake stood slowly, purposefully, giving her time to appreciate every lean inch of him in only a T-shirt and shorts. He’d matured into himself beautifully. He splayed his hands and the muscles in his biceps flexed. Alisa’s mouth went dry. Focus, she begged herself.

“Ali,” he said softly.

“Alisa,” she corrected, folding her arms across her chest so she didn’t reach out for him again. She should run away now. It was horribly selfish, but she needed a few more minutes to be in his presence, take in every detail, and store it up for the next ten years.

They were all alone. Her father would never know if she reached out to Jake, stared at him like he was the sun, moon, and stars, proclaimed her undying love. Yet … he would. Somehow he would. Just like he’d known that she’d confided in Miss Sally.

And she knew Jake wouldn’t let her go if he had any indication how deep her feelings for him were.

His gaze deepened, and he searched for chinks in her armor. She tilted her chin and prayed she looked haughty and imperious. She’d inherited her mother’s exotic dark beauty, and she’d heard her father’s men call her a “gorgeous and icy princess.” That was fine if it kept her father’s men away. She wasn’t ice for Jake. She was fire, warmth, and desire.

“Alisa,” he corrected. As tough and alpha male as he was, he’d been nothing but kind to her. She remembered how he used to tenderly cup her cheek. She longed for his touch. He would protect, love, and cherish her, if only she could let him.

She started shaking harder. Why did she have to be trapped in a purgatory of her father’s demented control and never be able to love this man? The cheek Jake used to touch now had a tracker in it because she’d let herself love him as a teen. She’d tried to convince herself that’s why Jake’s tenderness, teasing, and kisses had been so incredible, because she’d never known love besides her mother’s.

“You’re cold.” He stepped closer, as if he would wrap her up again and keep her warm.

“I’m fine,” she gasped out, stepping back. “Thank you for saving me.” She gave him a practiced smile that would come across as insincere and cold. If she could manage a semi-civil conversation and then run away with her back and head straight, he might believe that she wanted nothing to do with him. “I would’ve had trail rash and maybe a broken arm or wrist if it weren’t for you. Is your back all right?”

He eased closer and she should’ve moved, but she didn’t. She stared into his brown eyes with those dark lashes—deep, “soulful” eyes, she used to call them. She could hardly remember her own name when he looked at her like that.

“I’ll need a visit to John,” he admitted.

John was an incredible chiropractor and massage therapist. She couldn’t help but smile at his comment, but hoped his back wasn’t truly injured.

“But it was worth it,” he continued in a low, gravelly voice. “To hold you in my arms again. I didn’t know if I’d be honored with that privilege again in this lifetime.”

Alisa simply stared at him, captivated by his sincerity, his presence, all of him. She adored him.

He lifted his hand and gently cupped her cheek. She sucked in a breath as warmth filled her from head to toe. The touch she’d been craving would be her undoing.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmured. “Every minute of every day for the past ten years.”

Alisa’s heart thumped out of control and her body eased closer to him without her permission. His tender words were as powerful as his touch.

“Ali … Please.” His thumb trailed gently along her cheek, and she trembled in response. “Just say the word and I’ll move heaven and earth for you.”

Alisa stuttered and would’ve fallen over, but he caught her waist and tenderly held her up.

Just say the word and I’ll move heaven and earth for you. I’ve missed you every minute of every day.

Oh, Jake. She wanted to collapse against him, take advantage of his perfect mouth for hours, and then admit it had been every second of every day that she’d missed him. Most would say the short time they spent together wasn’t a relationship. They didn’t have many shared memories or experiences, but her younger heart had known what her older heart had never forgotten—this was the man for her. She loved him heart, body, and soul.

She looked into his incredible dark gaze and swayed toward him, but then suddenly, probably a gift from heaven, an appalling and unwanted image came to her mind. Her father’s men cutting Randy, but it was Jake’s face this time. She had no doubt they would slice Jake up, just like her father had promised.

“No!” she screamed. She was screaming at the image of him being tortured and killed, but it startled both of them.

Jake straightened and dropped his hand from her face. His eyes flashed with frustration. “No?”

She backed away. She couldn’t let him know how close she’d been to caving. Jake would try to move heaven and earth for her, but her father was a granite mountain that not only couldn’t be moved but would rain down blood and terror upon them.

Alisa didn’t dare open her mouth. If she tried to explain, she would give away something and put Jake in grave danger. She couldn’t do it. Her only hope was to do what she always did: sacrifice her own happiness and desire to keep him safe.

She spun and sprinted back down the trail. She listened intently, wondering if he’d come after her. Could he really mean his tender words? The terrifying thing was … she knew he did. She hadn’t ever seen Jake on so much as a date with another woman, and every time their gazes had caught over the years, the longing in his eyes had ripped at her.

She wanted to turn around, run back to him, knock him to the ground, and kiss him.

One foot in front of the other. Focus on getting away and protecting him. She ran as fast as her breaking heart would allow down the uneven, pine-needle covered trail. She wished he would come after her, but it was far better that he didn’t. The best possible outcome would be never laying eyes on him again.

The thought made her vision blurry, and instead of tripping again, she slowed to a stop and leaned against a tree for support as tears ran rivulets down her face. A decade’s worth of walls around her heart had been battered to rubble in minutes, and it would likely take two decades of pain to reconstruct them.

Oh, Jake. She hated their tragic love story almost as much as she hated her father.