The Nerd and the Bully by Tiffany Ransier
PROLOGUE
Eight Years Ago
Gemma
In the dark, everything seems to vanish.
I can’t see a thing. Not my hands, not my feet, and certainly nothing in front of me.
It’s like an endless black hole swallowing me whole.
At home, the dark is nothing like this. It’s always accompanied by the light.
There’s still the smallest amount of light that streams beneath my door from the hallway light, or the moonlight peeking through the blinds in my room.
Even the tiny amounts of light coming from the digital clock on my nightstand and the glow in the dark star stickers on my ceiling.
But this, this is different.
If I try hard enough, I can imagine that I’m not stuck in the dark.
That I’m out on the street, walking under the bright sun with my parents. That I’m at school under the relentless fluorescent lights.
I can’t allow myself to be afraid, because he’s plenty afraid for both of us.
If only there was light coming under the door from the room outside. They aren’t nice enough to do that, no. And especially not when something is supposed to be a punishment.
His deep sobs fill the air and I reach my hand out, abruptly reaching his shoulder and letting my hand rest there.
“It’s going to be okay,” I soothe.
“No, Jewel, it’s not. They’re really angry at me this time.”
“Close your eyes and pretend to be somewhere else. Somewhere warm and bright.”
“I can’t,” he cries. “Do you know how many times I’ve tried? I did my best, but it’s never enough for them. How are you so okay with this? With being here?”
I circle my hand on his shoulder. My parents do this for me when I’m upset and it helps me feel better. I hope this has the same effect for him.
“Because I came of my own free will. For you. It’s my fault isn’t it?”
His crying stops and he hiccups. “You can’t blame yourself. But…thank you for being here with me. You’re the best, Jewel. Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I prefer your company to Callan and Vincent’s. I don’t think they’d understand.” He sighs heavily and goes quiet. “I can barely breathe. I just want to leave.”
“I know. I want to leave too. Breathe slowly and close your eyes.” I pull my hand away and let it rest on my leg.
“I can’t,” his voice shakes and I sigh.
If only it was as easy for him as it is for me. Maybe if I had gone through this as many times as him, it wouldn’t be so easy. I feel so bad for him.
Stretching my hand out, I find his hands covering his face and take the one closest to me. I place his hand on top of my nose and mouth, breathing slowly to show him how.
“In and out, just like me. Slow and steady. Picture yourself outside. You’re having a good time with your other friends. Outside in the sunshine.”
His hand shakes on top of my face, until it slows to a stop.
“I’m having a good time outside in the sunshine,” he murmurs.
“You’re laughing and nothing is wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong,” he whispers. “Except you aren’t there.”
“Then I’m there too,” I tell him in a soft tone, lifting his hand off my face and holding it in mine.
He whispers something too soft for me to hear and his hand goes slack.
I wait, holding my breath as I hear the sounds of steady breathing that happen only when someone has fallen asleep.
“Sweet dreams, Noel.”
And just like that, I’m alone in the dark, facing the door and hoping it’ll open in the next few hours.
But how would I know how much time passes when there’s no way to tell?
There’s no clock on a night stand with an alarm set to go off.
There’s nothing in this dark closet.