For Elle.
Thank you for helping to inspire Grae in all her beautiful badassery and for making sure I found the raw truth in her journey. You are the most amazing and inspiring warrior. I am so grateful for your support and friendship.
GRAE
PAST, AGE FIFTEEN
I twisted my necklace between my fingers as I tilted to the side from my perch on the boulder, straining to get a better view of the trailhead’s parking lot. I took in the SUV pulling in, and the air left my lungs in a whoosh of disappointment. Not him.
A wet finger snaked into my ear, and I jumped, batting the arm away. “Gross! What is wrong with you?”
My older brother, Holt, laughed as he caught me in a headlock. “Someone’s gotta teach you to keep on your toes.”
I grabbed for the hair on his arm and pulled. Hard.
“Ow! Shit, G. That hurt.”
“That’s what you get for playing with fire,” our eldest brother, Lawson, said with a grin as he walked up.
“She’s like a Tasmanian Devil. Cute but deadly,” Holt muttered.
Lawson ruffled my hair, and I shoved his hand away. “But we trained her that way.”
I scowled at him, but he wasn’t wrong. Having four older brothers meant three things: One, I was the most overprotected teenager in Cedar Ridge. Two, I’d learned how to fight with the best of them by the time I was five. And three, I wouldn’t have a first date until I was approximately thirty.
“You guys are the worst,” I grumbled without any heat. The truth was, I loved them like crazy, but they were equally annoying.
“You were distracted. Who were you looking for?” Holt asked, suddenly suspicious. “Heard Rance was coming to train with his dad.”
Roan walked up then, a frown creasing his brow, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my mostly silent brother would be staring my poor classmate down for the entire afternoon during search and rescue training.
I groaned. “No. Rance is a friend. Maybe you’ve heard of those.”
I should’ve just said I was looking for him. It would’ve been better than the truth. Besides, Holt was a freaking hypocrite since he was dating my best friend, Wren.
Lawson’s brows pulled together. “You shouldn’t have friends who are boys. You’re too young.”
“I’m fifteen. Most girls in my class have already lost their virginity,” I snapped as I pushed to my feet.
A series of groans and shouts from the three of them filled the air. Our dad crossed to us. “Hey, what’s going on? We’re about to get started.”
Dad had helped run the Harrison County Search and Rescue team for as long as I could remember. The team got a lot of use with the number of tourists who came to our little town a few hours east of Seattle in search of outdoor activities galore. And Dad had gotten his kids involved with SAR early on.
All of us had fallen in love with it. Being in the outdoors, helping people…there wasn’t a better combination.
Lawson patted Dad on the shoulder. “Trust me when I say you don’t want to know.”
Dad looked in my direction. “Pumpkin?”
Heat hit my cheeks. “It’s nothing. They’re just being annoying.”
He chuckled. “What’s new?” He surveyed the group that had assembled for one of our training sessions. “Nash.”
My youngest brother’s head snapped up from looking at his phone. The worried look on his face had my stomach cramping. It had been doing that for the past week. Probably because I knew this day was coming. My fingers found my necklace again, the tiny metal disc imprinted with a compass that had become my talisman since I’d been gifted it on my thirteenth birthday.
“Get over here,” Dad called. “We’re about to get started.” He looked at the rest of us. “I’m going to gather everyone else. Gear up.”
Nash moved slowly through the trailhead welcome area, and I met him halfway.
“Have you heard from him?” I asked quietly.
Nash shook his head. “He’s not answering my texts.”
The cramping in my stomach intensified. “Nothing at all today?”
“No. He said he’d be here, but then…not a damned word.” Nash sighed. “Maybe he just needs to be alone.”
I worried the corner of my thumbnail. “Maybe.” But I wasn’t sure Caden really needed that, even if it was what he wanted.
“Come on in,” Dad called to our SAR team.
I caught sight of Mom near the parking lot and made a beeline for her instead of following Dad’s instructions. The moment she saw me, a hint of concern lined her face. “Everything okay?”
I pressed my thumbnail into the pad of my pointer finger, just shy of pain. I needed to choose my words carefully. “I’m worried about Caden.”
Her expression softened. “He was supposed to be here?”
I nodded. “Nash hasn’t heard from him, but I think I might know where he is.”
My mom’s brows rose at that.
“There’s a place not far from here. He showed Nash and me one time.” Because I’d always been the hanger-on with the two of them and Nash’s other best friend, Maddie. But Caden never made me feel that way. He always included me in their shenanigans.
The place Caden had taken us to wasn’t the first or the last, but something about how he relaxed when he was there had made me realize it was his place. I’d gone there more than once and, if I was honest, did it in hopes of finding Caden there. Sometimes, he was. Other times, he wasn’t. But over time, I’d found the peace of it, too.
My mom’s mouth slipped into a frown. “I don’t know if you should be going on your own.”
“I’ll take one of the ATVs and text you once I’m there. If he’s not around, I’ll come right back.”
She sighed. “You care about him, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do. It’s Caden.”
He’d been a part of our lives since I was four and he was five, and he and Nash had played soccer together. He should’ve felt like a fifth brother, but he didn’t.
“All right.” Mom brushed the hair away from my face. “Text the moment you get there and wear your helmet.”
I grinned and gave her a quick hug. “Thanks. I will.”
I jogged toward the parking lot and hopped on the ATV I’d ridden over from our property a few miles away. Slipping on my helmet, I started it up. I made a beeline out of the lot before one of my nosy brothers could follow me.
The wind blew my light blond locks away from my face as I rode. Each second that passed wound my insides tighter. If Caden wasn’t here, I didn’t have the first clue where to look next.
I turned off the access road and onto a path. It wasn’t wide enough for cars, but it was plenty big enough for my ATV. I slowed my vehicle as the forest opened to a clearing. As I turned off my engine, my breath hitched.
There he was.
Caden didn’t look up at the sound of my vehicle. He kept staring at the creek in front of him, his back to me. Those shoulders had gotten wider this year, his light brown hair just a bit darker. His hazel eyes were the same, though—except for the sadness I found in them when he thought no one was looking.