Bat and the Blitz by A. Gregory
Klaus
A whole bag of stinking bah, humbug!
The décor of the bed and breakfast is a little much for me.
It’s overwhelming outside, but that’s nothing to the suffocating avalanche of so-called Christmas cheer in my room. The thick bright red carpet is offset by blinding white walls with enough shimmer in them to give me a headache.
I know for a fact that the paint shade is called Freshly Fallen Snow. It definitely lives up to its namesake.
The comforter is a thick green blanket that would be great camouflage in a fir forest. The pillows are all kinds of Christmas themes and colors, while the scent of sugar cookies seems to be pumped through the vents every two minutes.
My stomach rolls from its overwhelming aroma.
I need to get the hell out of here.
I’m claustrophobic and in severe danger of going into over-Christmas shock.
It’s like septic shock, only instead of slow, agonizing death, it’s a… well, slow and agonizing death without the death part.
With a mumbled string of curses at being back in my hometown, I slide my boots back on and grab my jacket. Walking through town will hardly give me any kind of reprieve, but at least it won’t feel like the walls are closing in to strangle me with Christmas cheer.
I. Hate. The. Holidays.
Mrs. Jingle gives me a warm smile from behind the counter as I head out the door. She waves and giggles like an elf putting clothes on a naked doll. “Have a fun walk-around, dear.”
I think I grumble something back to her, but I don’t know what. I definitely don’t want to interact with her too much for fear she’ll recognize me.
I need fresh air and distance from all of this stuff that reminds me of my childhood.
As soon as the wintry blast of wind hits my face, pelting me with crisp and almost painful wind, I close my eyes. I let the cold seep into my skin to temper my nerves. After a few deep gulps, I turn toward the center of town. If I’m going to be stuck here, I might as well take a spin around the village core to get my bearings and see what’s changed since I was here last.
The hot chocolate shop is still opened right beside the bakery. Every third business is a specialty ornament store, from precious materials to more affordable ones. There are clothing stores, but everything is patterned over with holiday stuff. The shopkeepers and the townsfolk rush around like busy little elves they are, bustling from one store to the other.
They’re not actually elves. That’s simply what people from Christmas Town call themselves, just like people from Ontario are Ontarians.
I have a better name for these people than elves, but I digress.
What I really want to do is grab the first person I see and shake them out of their Christmas stupor.
It won’t help.
Christmas Town is literally the most Christmasy place in the world. It makes Whoville look like the Grinch’s cave.
It’s that bad.
I scan the main street, trying to decide who I should interview first.
Back in the day, I would have started with the bakery or the hot chocolate shop. The married couple that owns those two businesses were always up on the current gossip.
That’s precisely why I can’t start with them. The second Carol and Evergreen Trimmings learn that I’m back in town, the sooner my parents will track me down and force me to join them for dinner.
No. Fucking. Thanks.
I flip the collar of my coat up to shield my face. As if the long hair and beard didn’t hide my identity from the people who used to know me. They’re unlikely to recognize me. I was eighteen the last time I was here.
I never intended to return, but now that I’m here, I have to do my job as efficiently and quickly as possible. If all this is put to rest before the twenty-fifth, I might actually be able to celebrate Christmas on a warm, sandy beach with a bikini-clad stranger who redefines the naughty list.
“Well, well, well.” Raya grins as she walks up to me. A large red and white bag dangles from her left hand while the other is wrapped around a huge cup of hot chocolate. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Grumpy Blitzen is out for a walk around his hometown.”
A low growl vibrates at the back of my throat. “Don’t call me that.”
It’s a wonder of life that she’s picked that name out of all of the possibilities. It’s like a part of her knows about my past.
Impossible.
Raya’s brows disappear under her brand-new bright red tuque with a silver and white pompom. It jiggles as she laughs. “Oh, come on. Don’t be such a grinch. This place is actually really cool. I can’t get over how beautiful everything is. Every shop is super committed to the theme, and I appreciate the hell out of it. Or…” She giggles. “I appreciate the tinsel out of it.” She continues to chuckle softly as she takes a sip of her drink. Her eyes roll back, and she moans. “This is legit the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth. The hot chocolate is hot but not so much so that it burns my mouth. And the smoothness? It’s like swallowing silky chocolate before it does a happy dance in my belly.”
I don’t know why her description of her beverage sounds so sensual, but it is. I swallow hard and resist the urge to dunk my head in one of the snowbanks lining the street to cool myself down.
“I’m out exploring. Doing recon at the same time. Is that what you’re doing too? Or are you on your way to your family’s place?”
“I needed out of my room.”
“It’s really stunning out here. I’m wondering where to go for dinner. Literally every place looks like it’ll be amazing. Tell me where to eat.”
“No.”
“Then join me.”
“No,” I repeat.
“Klaus?”
My breath catches, but I don’t have to turn around to know who has spoken my name. Raya’s eyes grow to the size of massive ornaments, and a smirk plays across those delectable red lips of hers.
“Hey, Dad,” I mumble before the man engulfs me in a hug that smells like pine and sugar cookies. It’s the smell of home, but it’s also the scent of my own personal hell.
I pull away from him and will Raya away. She stands there, looking on with a dopey grin on her ridiculously lovely face.
“And who might you be? Did my son finally bring a lady home to meet the family?”
Raya bursts out laughing. “No. Oh, no. We’re here on assignment.”
Dad’s shoulders deflate. “Well, then you must be his partner.” He holds out his hand for Raya to shake. “Welcome to our little slice of paradise.”
She beams at him. “It really is something else.”
“You two need to come over for dinner,” Dad gushes like it’s the idea of the century.
Raya glances at me, and I do everything in my power to silently plead with her to refuse.
She doesn’t.
“I’d love to,” she answers. “If this grinchy grinch-grinch won’t come along, it’s his loss.”
“Absolutely,” Dad agrees, but I can see the hope brimming out of his eyes. “Whaddya say, son? Come for dinner.”
“Fine,” I grumble.
What else can I do? I get my stubborn streak from my father. If I don’t agree, he’s going to start telling Raya all kinds of embarrassing stories until I fold.
My childhood homeis a small two-story log structure in one of the neighborhoods off the main drag. The decorations never come down. My parents keep the place decked out all year round, and none of their neighbors complain — because they do the same.
It’s always almost Christmas when you live in Christmas Town.
No sooner is Santa back in his leather armchair with a spiked hot chocolate than the countdown for the next year begins.
Dad points to a few ornaments hanging from the big lit-up Douglas tree that frames the front of the house. “Klaus made those when he was a little boy.”
“I can see he was very talented.” Raya’s smile makes it pretty damn obvious that she’s enjoying this quite a bit.
I open my mouth to unleash some kind of self-preserving quip, but the words die on my lips when the front door swings open. My mother, clad in a bright red dress and a deep green apron, clasps her hand under her trembling chin. Her blonde hair has started going gray, but it makes her look that much more dignified. She’s aged quite a bit during my absence. My heart breaks a little bit, but I try to ignore the pain.
“Is that my boy?” she shouts, tearing down the stairs. She hugs me tight, saying all kinds of things that make me feel like the world’s biggest jerk for not visiting at least a couple of times.
“Holly, this is Klaus’s partner, Raya,” Dad announces.
Mom drops me like a hot chestnut and rushes to Raya. She cups the newbie agent’s face in her hands and gasps. “My tinsel, but you are beautiful. A shifter, too, no doubt?”
Raya nods. “Vampire bat.”
Mom laughs. “Oh, isn’t that interesting. Positively Halloweeny! Have no fear. We’ll help you feel right at home.” She drags Raya into the house and offers her a pair of thick knit slippers.
Raya slips them on and moves her feet around. “These are amazing. How do you get them so soft and thick?”
Mom taps her nose. “That’s a secret. It’s Christmas Town magic.” She adds a wink before leading Raya into the living room.
Of course the Christmas tree is up and so decorated it’s a little hard to look straight at it. It’s full of lights and ornaments that shimmy by the twinkling bulbs. Even the large, soft, tan leather couch has been Yuled. A reindeer throw is draped over it, showcasing what the Thorsen family is known for in this part of the world.
Reindeer rearing and training.
I plop into the sofa and cross my arms, unsure what to do with my hands. I spoke to my parents two weeks ago when they called to beg me to come home for the holidays. Before that, it had been a few months.
Before that? Probably a year.
My parents aren’t bad people. They’re actually good. It’s not their fault I hold a grudge like a mother fucker. If only they had taken my side all those years ago, our relationship wouldn’t be so tense.
“So,” Mom says, sitting beside me on the couch. She pats my knee and grins. “Tell me why you’re in town. I thought you were going back to that beach resort.”
“We’re here on business, Mom. I don’t have time to do much but work.”
“Nonsense,” Raya interjects. “If your family wants to see more of you while you’re here for Christmas, I can totally pick up the slack.”
“Not a chance. You’re a noob. I’m not trusting you alone with this very important mission.”
“Oh-oh,” Dad chuckles, handing Raya a glass of eggnog so strong it could probably peel paint off the walls. The man loves his spiced rum. “Do I sense some tension in the team?”
Raya giggles as she takes a gulp of the drink. “This is my very first mission away from the Academy. I’m newly badged. Apparently, that means I’m green.”
“Green is one of the best colors in the world. It’s right there along with red.” Mom nudges her elbow into my side. “But we can’t ask you to work more because of this one. If he’s here, you should be too.” She rubs her hands together like a kid about to tear into a mountain of gifts. “I’m sure the local authorities will be enough help for you two to come to some of our holiday traditions.”
“I’d love that.” Raya means it, too.
That’s when it hits me.
Raya didn’t choose this mission any more than I did. I don’t like Christmas or being in my hometown, but there is every chance that my partner misses her family. Maybe she wanted to spend the holidays with the rest of the Slaski bats and whatever it is nocturnal creatures do at Christmas.
Probably drink hot blood while dancing around a dead tree or something.
“It’s settled,” Mom announces. “You’ll have Christmas dinner here. Oh, and you can’t miss the cookie exchange.” She continues rattling off all of the things she wants us to do.
I barely pay attention. My focus is a little wonky.
For some weird reason, I can’t stop staring at the twinkling light playing across Raya’s features. She’s glowing and beautiful. Two things I definitely shouldn’t notice about my newbie partner.
Or anyone, for that matter.
We’re here to work.
Not to celebrate the holidays.
Not to reminisce about the past.
Not to drool over cranberry lips.